Less wobbly than I was but I still get some wobbles on!

February got off to a bit of a wobbly start, after a pretty consistent couple of months I had a rehab reassessment. I wanted to take a snapshot of where I am at, with my undiagnosed heart blip taken into account, I needed some more certainty about how to train safely yet still be able to meet training targets. Now, before people panic, Ora Kinetics started in cardiac rehab and I’m probably better monitored there than most cardiac patients are monitored by their GP.

 A selfie with Antnz on left, wearing a blue t-shirt, sunglasses and black cap. On right is ADNZ Raven looking beyond the camera, wither her mouth open panting

In my usual fashion, I tried to up the intensity across the board instead of phasing things in. For the first 2 weeks, I just upped everything, instead of thinking a little more and staggering the intensity increases. So here I am in week 3 of Feb, feeling wrecked, and trying not to be too hard on myself for not quite hitting all my training targets over the last couple of weeks. I had a slip and almost fall which upset things a little, I’m trying not to get too grumpy about having to just roll with things at times. My first big goal of the year was to complete the 10km event at the Manawatu Striders Marathon and Half Marathon, the rest will be revealed in time.

As usual, there is plenty of work on, and being an election year means some work is being accelerated. Some work seems like it is a perpetual holding pattern waiting for budgets, policy changes, or waiting on “machinery of government” before the next phase of work can begin. I have found this beyond frustrating. Enabling Good Lives is about shifting power to disabled people and their families and we are consistently being held up by a government that was telling us they wanted a new system that worked for us. It’s almost a year since Whaikaha – Ministry of Disabled People was launched, yet not a lot has changed for disabled people in their day-to-day lives. Yes we are getting some more communications from Whaikaha, and I have no doubt that many of the people working there have the best of intentions; but as a whole, we are sick of hearing that “we just have to assess and plan a few things”… At least tell us what those things are, what the challenges are, what you are doing to meet those challenges and how we as a community can support the work. If the government wants the disability community to actively engage, then Whaikaha, at minimum needs to work in a way that works for disabled people, Deaf, their families and their allies. Which is hard if you have to play in someone else’s sandbox, instead of being able to build the sandbox from the start. We were told we were going to get a new type of Ministry, at this stage, Whaikaha is operating as any other ministry, and people who were excited by a new start and a new opportunity for change, are getting disheartened and wondering why they are bothering to put the effort in when we are getting no substantive change on the ground for disabled people.

A selfie of Antnz standing in front of a corrugated iron whare (shelter). Antnz is smiling at the camera and wearing NATO blue cap with orange writing and a teal jscket. Tgr door frame of tge whare has blue and red carvings, with a carved figurehead above the door at the apex of the roof
Ticked off my “first night” on Te Araroa

The Royal Commission Inquiry into Historic Abuse in Care has been extended, which means so has some of my work. As the work on Te Aorerekura: National Strategy to Eliminate Family Violence and Sexual Violence continues, so does my involvement to ensure that disabled people and their families have their voices heard in a true co-design process. I have the privilege of being able to bring these voices to the processes; this strategy is the primary mainstream mechanism that can help keep disabled people and their families/whanau violence-free. This is a nuanced area, that needs more voices; so I will be writing more on this in subsequent blogs.

I recognised that I needed to make sure that I keep a decent work/life balance considering the nature of much of the work that I do. I knew I had to make sure that I kept the balance this year, and I miss being in the bush, teaching bushcraft and I missed doing what was my “true calling” instead of being indoors, having “robust” conversations. I reached out to Outdoor Training to say “Hey if you need a camp Aunty, feel free to give me a call.” Well, the next thing I know I am filling in paperwork (I’ll send the last stuff in now that I have remembered to get it done Heather?!?) and I have ended up instructing or shadowing Duke of Edinburgh students 3 weekends out of the last few months!

I’ve enjoyed the time I have spent out there, and although rusty teaching a couple of “old school” navigation techniques it’s great to be out there teaching these things again. As much as I love taking the adaptive crew out and about, getting back to this type of work is good for my mental health. It’s also good to see that Duke of Ed is more inclusive than it used to be, one of the young people I worked with has Cystic Fibrosis, this would have been unthinkable 10 – 15 years ago.

3 young women sit on the ground with their backpacks, one young woman is reaching into her pack. In the left foreground is an Aarn pack and a set of red, dog-sized saddle-bags
Packs off, waiting for a ride home

As usual, ADNZ Raven can’t be left out of the story, sometimes our Assistance Dogs forget that they are supposed to be assisting and will just dog. She has done a couple of personal trips out the backcountry but not with a full pack, while I was also “working”. She was an absolute superstar over the weekend we shadowed a Bronze Duke of Ed group. We were oh-so-close to the pick-up point I learnt that her packs make really good buoyancy aids for her as well. How the hell did she know I had 2 weeks early bought dry bags for the gear in her packs? On Saturday about 1 km away from the shelter we had walked past a gross-looking pond, and I did a quick, “Would you use this as a water source?”, none of us wanted to drink from it. If it is appropriate, I will work Raven off-leash with her packs on, particularly if I am using walking poles or crutches; she forgets she is twice the width as usual, that I have those stick things, and then add a leash, whatever comic is in your head right now is probably accurate and it sometimes ends up with me on the ground. At least she is trained to pick me up! We were passing the gross pond on the way to the gate pick-up and Raven was in a lovely off-leash heel, she dropped out of my peripheral vision. I turned saying “Raven NO”, but it was too late, she was in the air, headed into the gross pond. The girls, 5m or so ahead of us said they heard the splash before I got to the N in Raven”. So there she was, with her packs floating next to her, looking very pleased with herself. I was relieved that we got to the pick-up point with a bit of time to spare so she could dry off a bit before we got into someone’s car!

A wet looking black Labrador wearing bright red saddle bags.
Oh Raven, so glad I got dry bags for your gear! We were so close to home!!!

So there has been a lot of Enabling Good Lives work, some Outdoor Training NZ work and lots and lots of training towards the 10 km in the last few months. Sometimes I have gotten the balance right, sometimes I haven’t, but here I am just over a week after actually completing the 10 km walk. Leading up to the event I was pretty consistent, not always, but I kept at it, kept putting one foot in front of the other. There are definitely days when I don’t want to get off my butt and train or stretch, but I keep reminding myself of the bigger goals. A friend of mine and her guide dog have recently moved into the neighbourhood and she is also training at Ora Kinetics and wanted to join in on the 10km so it’s been cool to have a training buddy.

I linked in the Achilles International, NZ a few weeks out before the event, I had heard of them before and seen on Facebook that our local chapter was becoming more active. I wanted to see what support they could provide me on the day of the event, as I was a little anxious about being jostled by other competitors and falling over. I was a little cheeky (surprise! lol) and asked Manawatu Striders for water bowls at the drinks stations for Raven and Devon, a friend’s guide dog. Shout-out to Striders for the ice cream containers, they were perfect! Wendy was my guide on the day and oh boy, I was thankful for her when the 5km runners caught up with us! They were coming from behind and going either side, Wendy did a great job of trying to get them all to go around the right-hand side of us so Raven didn’t get trampled.

A group of people wearing bright yellow Achilles t-shirts, some with the word "Guide" on them. Antnz is crouching at the front with ADNZ Raven. Guide Dog Devon sits next to Raven. One woman in the front row has a below the knee prosthetic
Team Achilles Manawatu, pre-race


The athlete in me came out at some stage of the last few months as we have led up to the 10km. I had been training the distance, we had done a bit of duration work, we had walked the course a couple of times, and I had spent weeks trying to dial in the best nutrition, hydration, and recovery routine. There was nothing left but to put it all into action on “race day”. The week leading up to race day the nerves kicked in despite knowing I had mostly put the best effort I could in. During one of our course walks we had done 2 hrs 35 mins, so I was going to be happy with a 2hrs 20 mins, I was going to be stoked with a 2hrs 15 mins on race day.

4 women in bright yellow stand in pair with 2 black Labradors
Achilles Manawatu Dog Squad, pre-race. Shell, Jenny, Guide Dog Devon, Wendy, Antnz and Assistance Dog Raven

Race day came, and Jenny and I got ourselves and the dogs up to the start/finish area & Event HQ, we found the Achilles crew, who had a gazebo where we could gather, leave some gear and cheer our teammates in (if we were there). We had 8 athletes in total and our guides so it was cool to be able to see others push their limits and smash their goals, and be able to hang out and talk about our individual races. Thanks to Natt & Pete from Enabling Good Lives MidCentral Leadership Group for turning up in support and cracking out a 10km yourselves!

So how did I go??????

The biggest mistake I could make on race day was going out too hard and not having enough in the tank to make it to the end. We gathered at the back of the pack to reduce the risk of being jostled by the pack heading into the starting gate bottleneck. I’d been a bit nervous the whole week leading up to this, and the butterflies were definitely there as the countdown was on. I’d asked Wendy to pace me for a 2hr 15min finish. The gun went off, and we waited as the main bunch head off ahead of us, I hit the button on my watch as I crossed the start line and we were off. On our course practice walks the roads were all open, so for the first 400m or so I had to convince Raven that it was OK to be walking in the middle of the road. I was a little worried that we were racing down the hill a wee bit fast and slowed a little, but there is something to be said about having people ahead of you that drives you forward. Jenny and Devon, Natt and Pete, dropped to the side to let Devon have a pee, and I kept on going.

Antnz wearing a bright yellow t-shirt and black cap, black tights and grey shorts, with ADNZ Raven. ADNZ Raven is wearing her blue harness and there is tension on her short lead. To the left of Antnz is Wendy, also in a yellow t-shirt, blue cap and a running skirt,
That was a quick walk down the hill.
Antnz and Wendy discussing how quickly we made it down the hill
That was a quicker-than-expected pace down the hill!

I hit the flat, looked at my watch and I was doing a 10min kilometre, “Shit, that is not sustainable” I thought, so I slowed slightly, knowing that I had a long way to go. Then the 5km runners started blasting past, which surprised me at first because I didn’t hear them coming, Wendy did a great job of waving most of them around to the right of me, so they didn’t trample Raven; a couple of them had to adjust their pace quickly when they realised a dog was in the way when they went left around me. I looked at my watch and was still setting a pretty good pace, and well under 2hr 15 min pace. Wow, how am I managing this?? I felt good, up over the He Ara Kotahi bridge, hang a left.

Antnz on the right with ADNZ Raven, Wendy on the left. Raven is to the right of Antnz, with her tongue slightly out and her ears flapping. Antnz is pulling a peace sign at the camera. They are walking over a bridge
He Ara Kotahi bridge. Making good times & feeling good!

I think Raven and I jumped at the same time as a couple of small dogs below the bridge, that we had not seen, decided that Raven was the biggest threat in the known world and we all needed to know about it. What was cool on this stretch was seeing those that had done the turn-around and headed to the Fitzhebert Bridge, a few high fives & knuckle bumps with other competitors and a good opportunity to yell “Go Achilles” and “Gimps Not Wimps” to my teammates!

Antnz and ADNZ Raven are walking slightly ahead of Wendy, they are walking on the right hand sight of the picture, and pathway. Behind them on the left of the path and picture you can see other runner and walkers backs, including a bright yellow Achilles t-shirt
#GoAchilles #GimpsNortWimps

We hit the up and back, I know Raven needed a pee break in there somewhere, and then I needed one as we passed the He Ara Kotahi drinks station. Raven definitely needed a drink at that point, shout out to Striders for the bowls, and the volunteers at the stations for making sure she had a drink. We were still making a really good time, and I was still feeling good, so we hit Fitz Bridge about an hour before I had expected. Raven and I were starting to feel the pace, but I still had some gas in the tank.

We hit the Bledisloe Park drinks station, Raven again definitely wanted a drink, I still had some in my water bladder, and didn’t want too much in my actual bladder so got moving once Raven had stopped having a massive drink. We hit the 1km to go sign, “Shit I still have 14 mins to get my butt up this hill and I will crack 2 hrs” I thought. So I put my head up and tried to chase 85 yr old John, on his walking stick, up the hill, I had been playing a bit of cat and mouse (although he probably didn’t know it) with him the whole way around the course and he had slipped past me when I had a pee break. I was just starting to gain some ground on him on the last couple of straights, and unfortunately, the uneven surface toppled John on the last corner. I said to Wendy “shit John’s gone over, don’t worry about me”, she took off to check on John, and as I passed them I told Wendy I’d send a medic as soon as I could.

So my last stretch into the finish line, I was moving my tired and sore legs as fast as I could towards the finish and the medics. Some people were sitting on a car boot watching people come down the last stretch, I gasped, “You’ll go quicker than me, go get a medic, John’s gone over on the last corner”, the young guy got up and sprinted about 200m towards the finish and medic, who then picked up his pack and made his way towards the final corner. As I crossed the finish line, I managed to get a slight fist pump in before I just wanted to sit down, NOW! With the overall pace I had set, we were both done; Raven just wanted a big drink, half looked at Pete’s food, then she curled up with Devon, the guide dog, and they got on with napping. I think we were both grateful that the Achilles gazebo was reasonably close to the finish line!

A picture of Antnz and Raven just after they crossed the finish line.
I just wanted a seat after smashing my goal, Raven was ready for a sleep!

As I crossed the finish line, I noticed that Jenny and Devon were chilling at the Achilles Gazebo, my first thought was “I don’t remember them passing me”, unfortunately Jenny wasn’t feeling the best at the 7km mark and decided to withdraw and make her way with the officials back to the Achilles Gazebo. Jenny is ok, and is determined to get the 10km knocked out next year.

A group of people sitting in a sports hall, there are some people sitting in seats, and most of the floor. There is a clump of people in bright yellow Achilles t-shirts smiling, there are 2 black dogs sitting in the middle of the yellow t-shirts.
Chilling as a team at Prize-Giving

The next thing I knew we were headed into June and “conference season” started. For me that meant 1 presentation and a panel at 2 different conferences in 3 weeks! As I write, I am one conference down, with one to go, my next blog will be some reflections about my walk, what conferences I attended and some thoughts.

Jenny on the left and Antnz on the right are sitting on seats, between them crouching is Shell and Wendy our Guides. Everyone is smiling. Antnz and Wendy are wearing medals. Guide Dog Devon and ADNZ Raven are lying in front of them.
Achilles Manawatu Dog Squad after the race.

Make the time to pursue your dreams whanau!

Whāia e koe te iti kahurangi ki te tūohu koe, me he maunga teitei
Pursue excellence – should you stumble, let it be to a lofty mountain

Antnz




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